Two Weeks Away
What I've Been Doing Instead of Writing
I haven’t posted in almost two weeks. Not because I decided to take a break, but because life filled up in ways I needed to honor.
We’ve had construction happening at the house. New doors, baseboards, a rebuilt stairway, and a baking area in the kitchen set up the way Michael wants it for his sourdough loaves. The kind of work that requires decisions and coordination and living around sawdust and tools.
I finished my book proposal and submitted it to Hay House for their Writer’s Workshop contest. Sixty days until I hear back, sometime in early May. It’s done now and out of my hands.
And I’ve had work for the Good Knight Network, the nonprofit I’m part of in Maryland. Monthly meetings, planning, and staying connected to moving the mission forward.
Life just happened and I didn’t get to writing here.
What’s Different
Here’s what’s new: I didn’t feel guilty about it.
Old me would have beaten myself up for missing posts. Would have apologized to invisible readers. Would have felt pressure about my own self-imposed deadlines. Would have forced myself to write something, anything, just to stay consistent.
This new me I’m getting to know? I was aware I wasn’t posting, and I released the pressure. No guilt. No apologies. I just acknowledged that other things needed my attention.
That’s growth in myself that I didn’t expect: the ability to let something go without making it mean I’m failing or lazy or unreliable. To trust that when I’m ready to write again, I’ll write. And if people are here for it, they’ll be here. And if they’re not, that’s okay too.
Tuned Into My Calling
These two weeks, I’ve felt really tuned in to my calling: to being myself, to no longer making excuses or apologizing to people for who I am or what I need. It feels energetically different. Exciting. I have lots of inspiration, lots of motivation. Not the frantic energy of trying to prove something or meet external expectations. But the steady energy of knowing what I’m here to do and just doing it.
Will I disappoint people? Most certainly. But that reflects on them, not on me. I’m not responsible for managing other people’s disappointment when I’m living aligned with my own truth. That’s a hard-won lesson. Years of people-pleasing, performing, and conforming taught me that disappointing others was the worst thing I could do. Now I understand that living authentically sometimes means people won’t understand or approve of my choices, and that’s okay.
The Shift to Initiations
When I come fully back on Substack next week, I’ll be sharing cards from the tarot deck again. But they’re different now. I’ve reworked the entire tarot deck. It’s no longer focused on wounding or becoming a wounded healer. It’s focused on initiations: the hard passages that transform us. The descents that teach us. The returns that make us into more of who we’re meant to be.
The deck still maps to the cancer journey I’ve just been through, but the frame has shifted. It’s no longer about being wounded and healing from wounds; it’s about recognizing that hard passages are initiations, not disasters. And that going through fire transforms us in ways nothing else can, that what looks like catastrophe is often the doorway to becoming.
I’ve edited every card to match this shift. The language is different. The energy is different. The invitation is different.
So starting next week, I’ll share the new cards as I finalize them. Not as finished, polished presentations, but as works in progress. As invitations for you to think about your own initiations and what they’re teaching you.
What’s Coming
I submitted the book proposal. The construction is mostly done. The non-profit work continues but has its rhythm. Life is settling back into a pace where I can write again.
Not because I have to, but because I want to. That’s the other shift. Writing doesn’t feel an obligation anymore. It’s not something I’m doing to build a platform or prove I’m a writer or maintain consistency for some imagined algorithm. It’s just... what I want to do, to share what I’m learning, offer the maps I’m making, and invite conversation about the initiations we’re all walking through.
So I’m back. Not with apologies for being away, but with clarity about what I’m here to offer. The Initiations deck. The wisdom from my personal passages. The honest truth about what it’s like to be on the other side of the fiery path of cancer treatment.
Welcome back to me. And welcome to anyone who’s here to walk this path together as a community of initiates.
What have you been doing instead of what you thought you “should” be doing? What pressure have you released?
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